#1 Be closer to God, Be thankful everyday

I’m sure its of no surprise to all of you when it comes to me speaking about my faith, that I’m a believer in Christ. I would say that returning to church over the past 2 years have been one of the greatest and wisest choice I’ve made in my life. 

Indeed, God is truly good. He is gracious, He is generous and kind. So much have changed ever since – so many amazing opportunities opening its doors for me, my relationship with my family has improved heaps, meeting such an amazing guy that loves me so much, this exchange opportunity.. and more. 

I’ve even lost count on the number of times God answered my prayers, they are so accurate and amazing to the extent they are “too good to be true”, but with God, nothing is impossible.

So this year, my New Year’s Resolution is to be closer to Him, and learn to be thankful for something every single day no matter how bad a day it is.

I don’t know how to do this, but perhaps keep a hard copy diary of “Things I’m thankful for today” ? Im sure you guys wouldn’t want me to post it up everyday, but i'm sure a little wouldnt hurt ;)

#2 Spend more time with my family

This, I’m very guilty of. Like every singaporean university student, finding a balance between work, play, studies, relationship, friends and family is probably one of the most difficult thing to do. 

They say, you can only choose a maximum of 3 out of all the commitments you have because its simply impossible to be able to juggle everything all at once. I admit that for me, my top 3 priority has always been work, boyfriend, friends.. 

Family has never been in the equation and as much as I hate to admit this to thousands of people reading my blog, family is probably placed last. 

My mom would always nag at me to come home more frequently for dinner, I try, and im proud to say that I stuck to my new years resolution of going back for dinner at least twice every week. 

Of course, everyone’s wired differently, brought up in different environments and are taught different values. To me, even though going back 2 times a week for dinner is pretty frequent, what matters most is how much I feel at home, literally, in my own home.

 I guess it will take lots of time for me to settle in, especially since my heart hasn’t been there since I was a little girl, which I’m sure many of you have already heard about umpteen times.. I’ve been pretty open about it on my social media pages haha, nothing new because it’s something that has been on my mind for the longest time anyway. I want to be able to communicate about things that MATTER to them, I want to be able to show them my true emotions, talk about my day, talk about my problems etc. 

I want my family to be my shelter and my refuge, a family that I’m comfortable with.

This year, I hope to be closer to my family and loved ones not only physically (being home and being there more), but also emotionally. I’m striving towards opening up to them and also listening to what they have to say, I want to start showing my affection toward them without feeling awkward.

#3 Be a better student
Well... Like I am going to mention below, my grades are mediocre and my heart just isn't in what I've been studying. I know that having good grades is not easy, especially in a university in Singapore, much less the course I am in.
Accounting requires a lot of passion, foundation and really.. just determination and hard work.
In which, I have none really.
Many of my friends and family can vouch for my hardwork when it comes to things that i am totally passionate about. Things like modelling, things like eating and blogging.
I won't even tire by doing them, because of how much joy it brings me. They say you wouldn't see it as a job if you're actually enjoying it, that's EXACTLY what it feels like.
Now that i am stuck with completing my degree (i've got 1.5 years left), I should try to put more effort into my school work.
After all, becoming an accountant after graduation is something I am considering because its only normal since I would have been on it for 4 years by then.

I'm not the best student out there and I know it very well. So this year, I'm gonna TRY to be a better student by not skipping classes, paying more attention in class and TRY not to be on Tumblr and Facebook all the time during classes. Haha!
To me, grades are important but as long as I feel that i've tried my best, the outcome wouldn't matter.

#4 Take better care of my body

This year, I could literally feel my health deteriorate.
My metabolism has slowed down to a rate I’ve never felt before. I could go on eating buffet, chocolates and ice cream EVERY SINGLE DAY, yes I kid you not, I ate chocolates and ice cream every single day I think for about 9 months?
And this used to be something I was so proud and thankful for – my crazy metabolism rate that allowed me to enjoy the most sinful food without putting on any weight.
Even if I did gain weight, say 2 kg after 4 buffets consecutively in a week, I would lose it in 1 day, or maybe half a day, if I had a salad for lunch (LOL).

This year, I really felt age catching up with me, I’m really getting old haha!
My skin has gotten worse, my body is not as toned, my metabolism is really slowing and my flabs are starting to show. Worse still, my eczema condition has worsened and it started spreading to other parts of my body. Not only do I have it on my scalp now, I have it behind my ears, on my wrists, my neck, my fingertips.. My hair is getting thinner, my scars are healing slower, I’m constantly falling sick and my skin just looks flaky, dull and tired.
It’s scary because I’ve been living my whole life trying to stop the ezcema from spreading and now that I’ve gotten older, my body is not combating it as well as before. It's time I get down to do something about it.
The fact that I don’t have the time to exercise anymore and the lack of sleep due to my commitments don’t help my health problems either. So this year, I am determined to take better care of myself!

Be it be more conscious of the food I eat, try to cut down on junk that have no nutritional values in them, work out more and really try to keep to it, stick to better sleep patterns etc.
My discipline when it comes to food and work out is beyond terrible, but I have to try for the sake of my body! Maybe not be hardcore #fitspo or go on a plant based diet or something, but I’m looking to start small at least? No more Gongcha/starbucks/KOI/Macs/KFC 4 times a week. Maybe just once a week for a change first? haha

Hopefully I can look back on this resolution next year and be proud that I stuck to it hehe.

#5 Work out and keep to my regime

Refer above for the explanation. Apart from the health benefits working out gives me, which I desperately need since I’m only 21 but I feel like I’m 50. Working out also gives me a better body and I really miss my old toned body with my ripped abs. HAHA

#6 Be a better girlfriend/friend /daughter

The problem about me is that the more longer I spend with a person, the more I am not afraid to be impatient, and sensitive.
Its really weird and I know it’s annoying. I annoy myself all the time too at how sensitive I can get sometimes.. On top of not spending much time with them, I can’t help but vent my frustrations on them whenever I am having a bad day.  I know, I feel guilty whenever I do that.
Something that gets on my nerves all the time is whenever one of them make me repeat myself more than twice, I can’t stand it! To me it’s like “why can’t you just listen properly and stop making me repeat myself all the time???!” I know its something so simple and all I have to do is repeat for the 3^rd time but honestly, it’s so tiring HAHA.
I sound like a typical girl but hey, I am a girl and don’t lie because I know YOU are also guilty of these things HAHAHA. 
Not that it’s a good thing though, I know very well that it’s not which is why I’m setting a resolution to treat my boyfriend/close friends and family better.

To a less grumpy mong, cheers!

#7 Find myself

I know it sounds pretty ridiculous. “Find myself?” Who does that. 
Well. I don’t know exactly how many of you can relate to this, but I’m sure im speaking on behalf of thousands of people out there. I am lost.
Most of the time when people talk about their ambitions, they seem so happy and proud. I’m the kind of girl that had a million ambitions as a kid. Apart from being fickle-minded, I would tell my sisters that I aspired to hold far-fetched jobs like becoming an astronaut.
I remember that I really wanted to become a teacher once because I loved the idea of holding a red pen, doodling on my students’ assignments. Paste a little shiny star sticker whenever they did well.. I really loved stickers back then haha.
Then came the phase when I wanted to become a maid, yes, maid, because I looked up to my maid a lot back then. Then it was aspiring to become a cashier, because I fell in love with my past time- playing the cashier machine, pretending to be both the customer and the cashier at the same time, shopping for things around the house.. Ahh good times.
That ambition went on for a really long time. Then it reached a point when I thought becoming a construction worker was cool because applying cement and building houses seemed so fun!
I think I was crazy then, but thankfully, that ambition didn’t stay for long.
The next one though, was something (and still is) I really wanted to do, and that was to be an SIA girl. To fly to so many countries, be so glamorous and travel the world. I know many of you have told me that it is still possible for me to become an SIA girl, but honestly though, I don’t think I can make it. Sigh. And I never pursued this dream of mine, especially since my parents aren’t too happy with it either.

Fast forward to 3 years ago when my A levels results came, I was made to decide the course I wanted to do in university.

It then struck me that.. 

I’m someone with no goals, absolutely no idea what I wanted to do, I’m not exceptionally good at ANYTHING. 

I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I don’t study well either.. I suck at math, I suck at science.. I literally, am at a loss. Looking at my results (I thought I did pretty well for my standard), I heeded my family’s advice and applied for the Accounting course in SMU.
I told myself that as bad as people paint auditors and accountants to have such horrible work-life balance, and with almost 90% of them telling me how much they detest their job and life.. I told myself that I will be able to make myself like something, as long as I try.
You know how in primary school, you automatically start to like a subject as long as you do well in it? I guess that’s what I thought too.. As long as I worked hard to be good at something, the rewards from being good at it would help me enjoy what I’m doing a little better.

Well.. I was wrong, easier said than done really.
After 3 years of trying to find myself, I still don’t know what I really want. I envy people with ambitions and goals. And feel quite ashamed whenever I see everyone around me do so well.
People getting job offers after job offers, talking about interviewing at this place, for this position etc. I don’t even know how to answer them when they ask what I plan to apply for.

Because I don’t even know myself.
All I know is I want to be happy and I don’t want to let anyone down. It’s so difficult especially when you have someone with you (AKA your boyfriend) who’s so driven and knows exactly where he's heading toward.
As pathetic as it sounds.. I wish I knew where I am headed to, too, because this never ending road seems way too long and the future looks way too bleak to me.

So yes, to everyone out there that feels the same, I just want to let you all know that you’re not alone and I too, am feeling like shit every single time I think about how time is running out for me.
I am determined to find myself this year, try for the least I guess. Its never easy, but with God and an open mind, we will keep trying and one day we will find a place for us where we truly belong. 


SO YIPPEE!!!
I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's and may 2015 be even better than 2014 ~

Just in case I don't get my next post up in time, i'll see you all in 2015 <3